been a while since my last update! not much was going on, so i forgot.
the day after my last one was frightening though. it was our second trip to tartarus. since we'd been there before, it wasn't as scary to go in and fight the shadows; we were a little used to the routine and minato-kun led us progressively higher into the tower. but after traveling up a few floors, we ran into this dome-like floor where mitsuru said she felt a really powerful presence of shadows.
that was a little disturbing, all things considered. none of us were confident that we could take down a monster like the one that attacked the dorm last month. it turns out that it wasn't a monster like that -- but it was five of these normal-tier shadows called venus eagles coming at us all at once.
if we hadn't gotten any practice before this battle, i don't think we would have made it. we managed to avoid panicking and scattering, which would have only made the eagles' job of killing us easier. we all stayed calm, shokora-chan used her persona to illuminate the floor, yukari-chan healed us as needed and the rest of us whittled at the birds as much as we could. it was a really hard battle. we all got beaten pretty bad.
i've never been able to heal with my persona, either. but during that fight, seeing everyone hurt and knowing that yukari-chan wouldn't be able to heal everyone at once, i felt like i had to do something. when i summoned, i actually healed everyone. i remembered mitsuru telling me that if you really wished something, it might manifest in the power of your persona. and it happened. she was right.
but the healing didn't come without repercussions. the skill that i used didn't just heal, it took the wounds from everyone else and inflicted them on me instead. i... i passed out, i guess. when i woke up, the eagles were dead and everyone was around me, seeing if i was okay.
after what happened the day before, i was... surprised? why were they so worried? i mean, maybe they didn't talk to me all that much, but the fact that they were worried had to mean they cared a little bit, right? and shokora-chan, she hugged me she was so happy.
god, i tear up thinking about it. it was just a hug. ;n; but it meant so much.
i would have written about what happened back then, but i was way too tired. i went to sleep and kind of got caught in the motions of life and going to school.
i wanted to write about today because i hung out with kaito some more, though.
i felt bad when he came up to me after school. he was so happy to see me and he wanted to hang out with me. he said he missed me over the break, too. (we had monday and tuesday off ^_^) i thought that was sweet of him, if a bit... odd. is it rude for me to think he's a little odd? we're almost total strangers and yet he's still so nice! ...i thought, maybe it feels so weird because i'm keeping him at a distance. and if he really wants to be my friend... even if he doesn't know the real me, even if he would never be my friend if he did... i felt like i should try to be more outgoing with him, too.
i can be his friend. i can play this game. it makes me feel normal. it... gives me someone to talk to, someone who likes me for who i am -- on the surface.
i offered to go to boxing club with him. he has it from tuesdays to thursdays every week. akihiko-senpai is the captain of it, too, but he wasn't there, probably because of his ribs. i still feel bad about that. he seems so miserable all the time because mitsuru won't let him go anywhere until it's healed.
i was really scared about going to boxing club at first, but kaito reassured me that everything would be fine, and that they would like me. the boys there were pretty nice. they stared quite a bit, but i figured that was just because i was new and they must have wondered why i was there... none of them really introduced themselves to me except for this boy named tamotsu. he was really friendly, like kaito.
i ended up kind of regretting my offer to go in the end. i felt so weird and misplaced there -- i knew it was my suggestion to go, too, so i felt bad for wanting to leave. and then everyone on the boxing team decided that, since akihiko wasn't there, they were going to spar. as in, fight each other. i really didn't want to watch them do that. i hate fighting. i hate it so, so much. but... watching people fight, while it really upsets me, isn't as terrifying as being hit, and i knew they wouldn't seriously hurt each other... i couldn't really leave, either. so i thought, since i'm here, i might as well make myself useful.
when they did happen to get wounded in the fight -- they would stop sparring after that, thank god -- it became sort of like my job to go in and fix them up, make sure they were okay, give them some water and sit them down. it wasn't completely necessary because i'm sure they could do all of that on their own, but it gave me something to do, and the members of the boxing team seemed to appreciate it.
all in all, the day was kind of... stressful. things ended up okay, but i really don't want to go to boxing club tomorrow, too. i'm exhausted and stressed, all my nerves are frayed. i'm not used to all of this social interaction. i'm so used to coming to school, doing my work, slipping through the hallways and going home by the end of the day. i'm shaking a little, too. ugh... it's pathetic of me to be this way, isn't it? forcing myself to talk to people, to include myself in things that involve people even where it makes me uncomfortable. but it'll get better eventually, right? i think if kaito-kun keeps spending time with me and i keep trying to make myself more open and friendly, it'll work eventually.
i'll do it! i'll be a more outgoing person! as long as kaito helps me.
and as long as i get a break tomorrow. i really don't want to go back to boxing club until i've had a chance to calm down from everything.
but i'll do it! 'u'
0 comments:
Post a Comment