battle ensues

ooo, guess who decided to show up.
none other than mr. rival meanie-pants.

he said something about having caught a bunch of "new, smart" pokemon. pff. he hasn't met my pokemon. but he insisted on fighting, so i obliged to wipe the floor with him.

he sent out a pidgeotto or something first. i sent out aozashi, who (thanks to brock's TM) knew rock tomb, so pidgeotto was toast.

then he sent out his bulbasaur. aozashi is weak against him, and pocki probably wouldn't fare much better... since one of those move tutor guys taught wagashi mega punch, i thought maybe it was worth a shot.

 

seems i was right to think so.
wagashi gained just enough exp to level up and learn bite, and so mr. i'm-a-genius sent out abra. bite made quick work of it, too.

then he sent out a rattata... despite being hurt from his battle with pidgeotto, aozashi was a trooper.

so he was out of pokemon. rather than taking his defeat gracefully, he decided to tell me that i smell (again).

very mature, mr. meanie-pants.
i thought i might be able to go and do something productive again when he deliberately comes back just to tell me how sorry he is for me.

you know what?
you smell.
of jealousy.

and furthermore...

i've made some more progress!

since pewter city, my pokemon and i have been hard at work traversing through the depths of mt. moon. and let me tell you, it isn't a friendly place 'n'

but i found another cute critter to add to my repertoire <3 a clefairy that i named azuki.

the grunts in the cave also had this adorable little pokemon called a sandshrew... i did some digging and figured out that you can only get those on leafgreen ;~; but i asked sadako-senpai if there was anything i might be able to do to get one and she taught me how to input some cheats into the emu. i don't like using cheats (they tend to suck the fun out of the game...) but one common pokemon can't hurt.

so, behold! aozashi!

notice a naming theme yet? ~_n

i'm in cerulean now, where the gym leader uses water types. misty shouldn't be too hard to beat with pocki. she and wagashi are both at level 18 already! i'm so proud 'u'

well, time to get back to work~

i found shorts boy!

 

-giggle-

i concur, mr. shorts boy!

pokemon!

so i discovered you can play gba games on the computer today!

i'd never heard of that before, but when i finally got it figured out (you have to set your own controls and everything...) i downloaded a rom and started playing! n_n i have to admit, it was sadako-senpai who mentioned it to me. she told me some of the basics and helped me figure things out before she went to work.

pokemon was one of the first roms on the download list, and it's an old favorite of mine, so i couldn't resist 'u' i think the one i downloaded was firered -- i played it a looong time ago when i was little, heehee. it was hard to pick which starter to get because they're all super cute! ...but in the end i picked squirtle.

i named him wagashi~ <3

i don't think i've gotten to far in the game, but it's been fun so far. i'm in... uh, pewter city, i think. my rival is a meanie-face. ;n; he always somehow manages to get to where i'm going like five minutes before i do! what's up with that?

and he's always like, 'smell ya later'!
...i don't smell. 'n'

well, anyway. i took some screenies while i was playing! i just beat the pewter city gym leader with wagashi and he evolved into some other... turtle thing. wartortle. squirtle looked cuter, but i think he got stronger, so that's okay.

oohhh, and i found a pikachu in the viridian forest! i think that's pretty rare (even so, it was a nice change from the caterpies and the weedles everywhere. >-<) she was harder to catch than the other pokemon but i managed to get her. i named her pocki. <3

aww. isn't she cute? be jealous ~_n

i didn't think to take screenies while i was playing the game earlier (i took these just now for visual effect), but i think i'll do that from now on. it sounds fun! that way i record my journey along the way ^_^

off i go to the world of pokemon~!

...

dear battle panties,

i hate you.

that is all.

05.26.09

sadako forced me to eat lunch with her and akihiko-senpai today. 'n'
well, to be fair, she didn't force me to eat with him as much as she made me feel bad for not doing it, but...

i think it's been that way for a while. sadako's lunch, i mean. she eats with akihiko for part of it and then goes to visit me, later. i didn't think much about it, but i always wondered if it would be easier for us all to eat together, but... akihiko-senpai is so high-profile. i didn't want to bother him or sadako or anything.

but anyway, so, we ate lunch together. it was as quiet and tense as you would expect, because none of us talked very much. at least akihiko tried... he was nice enough. then sadako took a picture of us for some reason.

really! a picture! why? for what reason did she feel the need to whip out a camera and take a picture of us?

i'm onto your plot, sadako-senpai. >_>

but he doesn't like me at all...

after jumping her and forcing her to erase the picture, lunch was pretty much over. that's all that happened of interest today. but... erm, it went okay. i still don't think akihiko-senpai likes talking to me very much, but he was friendly, so maybe we can get to know each other better.

oh, and i went to health committee, too, but nothing interesting there.
except... edogawa creeps me out sometimes. ;n;

...well, anyway. i have homework and mlh to watch.

05.25.09

kaito visited at the dorm today. n_n

it was something that we arranged a while back, but i don't think i ever mentioned it. yukari-chan was discussing it with me when we went to the sweet shop the week before last (wow, it's been a while since I wrote an actual update, huh?) and so i told everyone that he was coming.

except akihiko-senpai. we don't talk much as it is, so it feels weird to mention it to him...

anyhow, so, when we got back to the dorm, yukari-chan and junpei-kun were already there. today was akihiko's recovery date, so he came back a little later than usual, but we all started to play truth or dare to pass the time. kaito didn't stay for too long, but he still managed to almost make himself sick while he was there... and akihiko-senpai. they were both eating raw eggs and doing cartwheels as part of their dares. whatever. if they want to ignore me and make themselves sick, that's their business >_<

i just wish they wouldn't anyway ;n;

everyone else started to come back and join in too, later, like shokora and minato. i think his visit went okay, though i could tell some of my dormmates didn't take to him... minato-kun especially was cold to him. but maybe that's how minato usually is. it's hard to tell sometimes. yukari-chan doesn't trust him either -- she even told me so -- but everyone was civil. he gave me a hug, too... we're friends, but... some of the things he does, i'm not sure what to make of them...

w-well, it was just a hug. i like hugs anyway. <3

animal meme

Cat:
[ ] - You take pleasure in fooling/tricking people
[x] - You're easily scared
[ ] - You hate getting dirty
[ ] - You can be really flirty when you want to
[x] - You keep your hair long
[ ] - You don't like getting wet unless you're bathing
[x] - You like to just lounge about
[ ] - You get annoyed easily
[x] - You like seafood.
[ ] - You can spend hours trying to make yourself look good.
Total for 'cat': 4

Dog:
[ ] - You're almost always smiling
[x] - You're nice to most people and like to get to know people before you judge them
[x] - You rarely resort to violence
[x] - You would NEVER hurt your friends
[ ] - You really like tickling people, just to see if they're ticklish
[ ] - You stand up for others.
[x] - You would tell everyone that you love them if it wasn't so hard on your reputation
[x] - You don't get angry easily.
[x] - You share your food with people who are out of lunch money
[x] - Your favorite color is either blue, yellow, or purple
Total for 'dog': 7

Fish:
[x] - You're really good at swimming.
[x] - You like to swim
[x] - You like sparkly things
[x] - You are really ticklish
[ ]  - You can fit through almost any space.
[ ] - You've gotten stuck in a net or/and rope before
[ ] - You're romantically lost
[ ] - You're really good at keeping a straight face when you need to.
[ ] - You aren't very drawn to people who "stand out"
[ ] - You can wear just about anything
Total for 'fish': 4

Bug:
[ ] - You like to wear bright colors
[ ] - You like vegetables.
[ ] - Your entire life revolves around sparkly things
[x] - You always worry about falling prey to bullies/gossipers
[x] - You're terrified of things that other people aren't scared of
[x] - You aren't afraid of some things that other people are terrified of
[ ] - You have been told that you lack emotion
[x] - You keep your opinions to yourself
[x] - You can be social one minute and a loner the next
[ ] - You are a good impersonator and/or you like to dress up as things you're not
Total for 'bug': 5

Rodent:
[ ] - You're always prepared for something bad to happen
[x] - You make little piles of things in your room that your friends/parent(s)/guardian(s) claim is 'unorganized'
[x] - You run rather than fight from danger
[ ] - You designate people to hide behind
[x] - You say "uh/er/um" a lot
[ ] - People have told you that you talk really fast before
[x] - Sometimes you stutter
[x] - You like to have pets
[ ] - You far prefer animals to people
[ ] - You can't trust very many people
Total for 'rodent': 5

Deer:
[ ] - You are prone to spelling errors
[x] - You have been told that you are pretty before in any given way
[x] - You are modest
[x] - You would rather run from a fight than actually fight
[x] - You would protect the ones you love
[x] - When you get really frustrated you cry
[x] - It breaks your heart to see ads about animal cruelty
[x] - You love your friends but sometimes they're mean to you
[x] - You never say so, but you think that you're kind of pretty
[ ] - When you were little you wanted to be a princess/prince.
Total for 'deer': 8

Horse:
[ ] - You personally think that you are pretty
[ ] - You always have boys/girls asking you out.
[ ] - Sometimes you aren't very smart in decision making, and have some regrets following you around in the back of your mind
[x] - You hang out with an exclusive group that isn't open to just anybody
[ ] - You never leave the comfort of your own home without your makeup on/your hair brushed
[ ] - You are constantly altering your body
[ ] - You are quick to judge people
[ ] - You're always up to date on the gossip going around
[ ] - You take ridiculously good care of yourself
[x] - The only thing you like about school/College/Work is having friends there
Total for 'horse': 2

so i'm a deer...?

awww 'u'

my little horsie!

i discovered the adorable that is mlh today.

i've heard of it before when surfing the internet, but i didn't think too much of it -- some of the fads lately haven't been worth checking out (-ahem-... twilight) and i figured it would pass as quickly as it came, but it hasn't. a lot of artists on dA have been posting related artwork, and i've seen it hit a few tumblrs... so i checked it out myself.

it is so cute 'u' i watched an episode or two, and all of the characters are so endearing, but there's one i especially loved; her name is fluttershy. she's very sweet and soft-spoken, and she even has a pet bunny for a best friend! what's not to like~? <3

i've got a picture of her here.

the art style for the show is really cute, too. i understand the fad... though i'm still confused about why most of the show's fanbase is comprised of middle-aged men...

that's slightly concerning '-'

i'm not sure if anyone else in the dorm knows about it, or is interested (not likely), so i'll have to settle for dragging rumiko-chan along into it... i'd hate to bother the others -- it is still a children's show, when you get down to it.

hm. now i want to call her right away. n_n I'll write again later!

sweet shop~

still the week before exams. things have definitely been calming down. kaito has wanted to hang out with me most of this week, so i've been doing a lot with him, but today yukari-chan took me to the sweet shop!

i love the sweet shop! 'u'

yukari-chan told me about these delicious strawberry rice cakes that the sweet shop had. she gets them a lot. since she did, she shared them with me, and they were just so good! i think i've had them a lot before, because we ate lots of mochi back in hawaii, but the ones at the sweet shop are really amazing. i took a picture of the rice cake i was eating with my cellphone;

it was just so yummy!

we chatted a lot while we were there. at first i didn't want to get anything because yukari-chan had to pay for all of this... i still don't have any money... but she insisted that i get whatever i wanted, and that i could pay her back later. we split up just about everything between us, so i ordered some kansai-style sakura mochi and some creampuffs which we ate while we chatted. my mouth waters just thinking about it >w< I was really happy to be able to visit there again, i'm glad yukari-chan took me. she didn't eat as much as i did (mostly just the strawberry rice cakes), but... i hope she had fun, too.

all right, so, i didn't take these last two pics, but i had to look them up! don't they look yummy?

other than that, i think everyone is relaxing from all the stress that's been going on lately, especially with exams coming. or, well, some of us can't really relax with those coming up. junpei always talks about how much he dreads them, and i hear shokora and yukari talk a lot about how they need to start studying more so that they can make good grades. minato doesn't seem too bothered by it. the seniors both do a lot of studying, too.

i should probably do the same. i'll update again soon!

05.10.09

i can hardly believe i'm alive today. i've spent all of it appreciating that i'm here to breathe the air, walk the streets, feel the sunshine. what if things had been even slightly different? we'd all be dead.

last night, we had a mission involving an immensely powerful shadow like the one that attacked the dorm about a month ago. none of us were really expecting it -- though minato-kun said he 'had a bad feeling' and tried to prepare us for it. i ended up falling asleep, but while i was, mitsuru found something.

...akihiko-senpai had to wake me up. i guess i was being difficult, because when i did, i saw that he must have slipped into my room and was carrying me up to the command office. i got all flustered and ended up running away after he accidentally dropped me. /sigh

from what i heard at the time, mitsuru had only pinpointed the shadow's location. it was on the monorail that we use to commute back and forth from the dorm and school, the one that runs from iwatodai to tatsumi port island. we left to get there, and since it was within walking distance, it didn't take very long... mitsuru said she would provide backup from the station and that we would have to walk on the monorail tracks to get to it. minato was chosen to lead us again (i think we'll just be keeping him appointed as our leader) and we went off to find the shadow before it could do any damage.

getting there wasn't hard. in fact, it was almost nice to be able to walk on the monorail tracks. it was quiet and peaceful, so long as you could ignore all the blood and that giant moon. i thought it was weird that when we made it to the monorail car where mitsuru sensed the presence, the doors were open... train car doors are usually fastened shut during the trip, right? but we had to get on no matter what, so we did.

we all had enough time to get on before the shadow trapped us in the train car. that was frightening. mitsuru told us to be careful and make our way through it, which we did. at first there weren't that many shadows on it. then one popped up by itself, and ran away. if there's one thing these shadows don't usually do, it's run away. most of us knew that the shadows must have been up to something, but despite that, junpei insisted that we could handle one measly shadow and ran off to kill it even when minato told him not to.

nobody wanted to go after him. it was reasonable, i know... splitting up our forces would only worsen our chances of survival if a bunch of shadows ambushed us at once. but i felt bad for junpei. i wanted to make sure he didn't get hurt. i ran after him, which seemed to warrant a bunch of shadows popping out of hiding to fight me on the way, but i eventually made it to him. we struggled against a trap of at least six shadows all attacking him at once -- probably what that first shadow had been leading him into -- until the others caught up and we regrouped safely.

then the monorail started moving again.

it wasn't that the dark hour had ended, but that the shadow in control of the monorail was starting to move it. none of us were sure why... but then we realized it was because the shadow was going to try and make the monorail collide with another train. for whatever reason, it would go to lengths as drastic as sacrificing itself just to be sure that it killed us. it was our job to kill it before it managed to do that, not only to save ourselves, but to save all the passengers on the monorail and avoid mass public panic.

it was terrifying, i won't deny that. but i wasn't as scared as i thought i should be. i don't know... i just wasn't too scared. i tried to stay calm with minato and follow his orders so that we could make it through. we made it to the actual source of the control within a few minutes -- i think it was called the 'priestess arcana shadow' -- and we had to kill it in order to get to the command room, because it was blocking off the only path to the room. we had to fight with the monorail crashing ahead, with mitsuru constantly coming in to remind us that we only had a few minutes left to stop the monorail before it crashed and crushed us all to death...

i don't remember much after that. i mean, we fought it... but one of my knives stabbed right into it's eye. it screamed.

...

we went to a store to get a treat before we went back to the dorm. shokora-chan paid for mine... that was really nice of her. she's so kind to me. she's so open and friendly, too. i wish i could be like her.

i went straight to bed when we got back to the dorm. we were all exhausted.

exams are coming up soon. today was pretty normal, but i wanted to update about that since it was on my mind. i'm not sure what good this blog has been for aside from chronicling my life. i just never got into using my computer for very much. it's a small netbook laptop, hah, ametoki (my brother) got it for me before i left to go live in the dorms. that was a few years ago. all i've done with it is write down notes and surf the web, really... i'm sure i could do more with it.

but i digress. i should probably study some while it's on my mind. i'll try to update again soon. ^_^

05.06.09

been a while since my last update! not much was going on, so i forgot.

the day after my last one was frightening though. it was our second trip to tartarus. since we'd been there before, it wasn't as scary to go in and fight the shadows; we were a little used to the routine and minato-kun led us progressively higher into the tower. but after traveling up a few floors, we ran into this dome-like floor where mitsuru said she felt a really powerful presence of shadows.

that was a little disturbing, all things considered. none of us were confident that we could take down a monster like the one that attacked the dorm last month. it turns out that it wasn't a monster like that -- but it was five of these normal-tier shadows called venus eagles coming at us all at once.

if we hadn't gotten any practice before this battle, i don't think we would have made it. we managed to avoid panicking and scattering, which would have only made the eagles' job of killing us easier. we all stayed calm, shokora-chan used her persona to illuminate the floor, yukari-chan healed us as needed and the rest of us whittled at the birds as much as we could. it was a really hard battle. we all got beaten pretty bad.

i've never been able to heal with my persona, either. but during that fight, seeing everyone hurt and knowing that yukari-chan wouldn't be able to heal everyone at once, i felt like i had to do something. when i summoned, i actually healed everyone. i remembered mitsuru telling me that if you really wished something, it might manifest in the power of your persona. and it happened. she was right.
but the healing didn't come without repercussions. the skill that i used didn't just heal, it took the wounds from everyone else and inflicted them on me instead. i... i passed out, i guess. when i woke up, the eagles were dead and everyone was around me, seeing if i was okay.

after what happened the day before, i was... surprised? why were they so worried? i mean, maybe they didn't talk to me all that much, but the fact that they were worried had to mean they cared a little bit, right? and shokora-chan, she hugged me she was so happy.
god, i tear up thinking about it. it was just a hug. ;n; but it meant so much.

i would have written about what happened back then, but i was way too tired. i went to sleep and kind of got caught in the motions of life and going to school.

i wanted to write about today because i hung out with kaito some more, though.
i felt bad when he came up to me after school. he was so happy to see me and he wanted to hang out with me. he said he missed me over the break, too. (we had monday and tuesday off ^_^) i thought that was sweet of him, if a bit... odd. is it rude for me to think he's a little odd? we're almost total strangers and yet he's still so nice! ...i thought, maybe it feels so weird because i'm keeping him at a distance. and if he really wants to be my friend... even if he doesn't know the real me, even if he would never be my friend if he did... i felt like i should try to be more outgoing with him, too.

i can be his friend. i can play this game. it makes me feel normal. it... gives me someone to talk to, someone who likes me for who i am -- on the surface.

i offered to go to boxing club with him. he has it from tuesdays to thursdays every week. akihiko-senpai is the captain of it, too, but he wasn't there, probably because of his ribs. i still feel bad about that. he seems so miserable all the time because mitsuru won't let him go anywhere until it's healed.

i was really scared about going to boxing club at first, but kaito reassured me that everything would be fine, and that they would like me. the boys there were pretty nice. they stared quite a bit, but i figured that was just because i was new and they must have wondered why i was there... none of them really introduced themselves to me except for this boy named tamotsu. he was really friendly, like kaito.

i ended up kind of regretting my offer to go in the end. i felt so weird and misplaced there -- i knew it was my suggestion to go, too, so i felt bad for wanting to leave. and then everyone on the boxing team decided that, since akihiko wasn't there, they were going to spar. as in, fight each other. i really didn't want to watch them do that. i hate fighting. i hate it so, so much. but... watching people fight, while it really upsets me, isn't as terrifying as being hit, and i knew they wouldn't seriously hurt each other... i couldn't really leave, either. so i thought, since i'm here, i might as well make myself useful.

when they did happen to get wounded in the fight -- they would stop sparring after that, thank god -- it became sort of like my job to go in and fix them up, make sure they were okay, give them some water and sit them down. it wasn't completely necessary because i'm sure they could do all of that on their own, but it gave me something to do, and the members of the boxing team seemed to appreciate it.

all in all, the day was kind of... stressful. things ended up okay, but i really don't want to go to boxing club tomorrow, too. i'm exhausted and stressed, all my nerves are frayed. i'm not used to all of this social interaction. i'm so used to coming to school, doing my work, slipping through the hallways and going home by the end of the day. i'm shaking a little, too. ugh... it's pathetic of me to be this way, isn't it? forcing myself to talk to people, to include myself in things that involve people even where it makes me uncomfortable. but it'll get better eventually, right? i think if kaito-kun keeps spending time with me and i keep trying to make myself more open and friendly, it'll work eventually.

i'll do it! i'll be a more outgoing person! as long as kaito helps me.
and as long as i get a break tomorrow. i really don't want to go back to boxing club until i've had a chance to calm down from everything.

but i'll do it! 'u'

04.23.09

i hung out with this boy named kaito today.

he was the same boy who woke me up after i slept through all of class the other day. i... i really don't know why he wanted to hang out with me. i don't talk to people much, so they leave me to my own devices, and i'm okay with that. but he insisted that he hang out with me. ...he was nice, though. he was always smiling, cheerful, trying to make me feel more comfortable. so i didn't think it would hurt to hang out with him.

that was yesterday. so today was the day i ended up walking around tatsumi port island with him. i had a lot of fun, actually! he took me for ice cream and everything, and i tried a new flavor (i've had vanilla ice cream, but not a vanilla popsicle before. it was sweeter!) while we just kind of wandered around. i mean, we didn't do a lot in the end, but he seemed to enjoy himself.

thinking about it, part of me is uncomfortable around him because i've never dealt with a stranger who's been so friendly before. but that's not bad, right? he's nice! so... if he wants to be friends, i don't mind.

we visited akihiko-senpai at the hospital today, too, because he was getting a check-up. all the juniors were with him. but after i showed up, everyone got real quiet and didn't talk to me a whole lot. hah...
i guess just because we live in the same dorm doesn't mean they have to like me.

but kaito likes me. it's a little weird, but, i think i'm happy. ^_^

rumiko!

rumiko-chan came to visit me today in school!

i was happy! too bad i'm really, really tired.
and she was skipping! that was bad. but i was too tired to lecture her for it...

today was horrible (except for the fact that rumiko-chan visited! ♥) and i can't even remember half of it. i think i slept through class all day. and some... some boy woke me up and i was drooling all over myself.
i really just want to forget that ever happened. ;n;

so, um. she helped me get back to my dorm, because i was afraid i wouldn't make it on my own. i fell asleep on the monorail, and when i woke up, akihiko-senpai was there! he keeps popping up everywhere.
i kind of live with him, but...

he gave me some money from ikutsuki. he gave us all a portion of money to spend on weapons and other paraphernalia for our future tartarus runs.
i guess that means i have to use it on that stuff. it's not enough for paints either way.

i really want some paints! >_< ;n;!

i think i'll buy a dart board. it'll help me with aim and stuff.
anyway... i'm going to cut this one short, too. i'm too tired...

until then, here's a bunny!

bunnies make the world a better place! ^_^

04.20.09

same night as my last post.

the new member who joined us a boy named junpei iori. he was... lively?
he, um, seemed nice and everything.

then ikutsuki made us play cards together to 'help us learn teamwork'. which didn't make much sense to me. he set up this complicated system where we had to say something about ourselves depending on which card we played...

after that, we left our first real mission.
we just got back from this place called 'tartarus'. it's like the stronghold of the shadows. and, guess what? it's our school. some grotesque shell of it, anyway... clawing into the sky, drooling blood...

i'm so tired. my mind is hazy. i summoned my persona for the first time while we were there -- maybe that's why. we all fought a few shadows and mitsuru taught us some of the basics of combat. we worked as a team. some of us got hurt a few times, but it turns out that yukari has the power to heal with her persona, so she took care of us. minato-kun was assigned leader... i think he did a pretty good job.

i can't think very well. my body hurts. i'm going to go to bed.

04.19.09

another update. so much has been going on lately.

minato-kun finally woke up. i got the news later than pretty much everyone else, but i was just happy he wasn't dead. why did he pass out for so long, anyway? i heard that all of his vital signs were totally healthy the entire time! and then he just pops out of bed like nothing happened!
but thank god he did. we were all worried. the seniors didn't seem too upset about it, but i'm sure they were... i mean, it would have been a life lost in their hands...

he got back to the dorm late last night, so i managed to say hi and ask him how he was doing before he went to bed. he kind of mumbled so i'm betting that meant 'not very good'. but he was alive, so that was a step.

mitsuru said she wanted everyone to come to the command room after school the next day. we had a meeting, and both of the transfer students were invited to it. ikutsuki -- that's the chairman, who's kind of like the adult supervisor of our group -- was going to ask them to formally join SEES like the rest of us had.
just, was asking him right after he woke up from a coma really a good idea?

about as good of an idea as writing this blog post right now. my hand really hurts.

obviously neither of them were exactly willing to join. after what happened, i didn't really blame them. but i knew that their power was important to SEES... if we were the only ones who could protect these people, it was our job, whether we liked it or not. i wasn't sure how to explain that feeling to them, but i told them that we were the only ones who could protect those people that fell victim to the shadows; those victims had people who loved and cared about them, brothers, sisters, parents, friends, but those people couldn't protect them. we had the power to protect them. and i told minato, if the tables were turned -- if shokora-chan, for instance, was going to be a victim of the shadows -- would you still refuse to do it?
because shokora is like every other person out there. every other girl who has a brother, parents, friends who love her.

i think it worked. he agreed to join SEES after that, and shokora did, too.
yukari didn't really agree with my method of negotiation. ...i just didn't know how else to convince them. i was telling the truth.

anyway, so, after that, we went to bed.
oh! well, technically i got some melon bread before i went back to my room. minato spotted me with it and asked me if he could have some, so i let him. he told me he really loved melon bread, too. ^_^ it sounds silly, but i was happy! i don't know, i mean, i was still tense after everything that happened, and no one in the dorm really talked to me... all the juniors were friends, and the seniors were friends, but i was kind of by myself... minato was the first one to approach me about something that wasn't about killing evil monsters.

even if it was for melon bread.
i mean, melon bread is pretty awesome. i'm glad minato-kun thinks so too.

today was a day off, because it's sunday. so i didn't do much. i actually got dressed and was about to leave for school when i realized that i didn't have to. '-'; i felt pretty dumb after that. i went downstairs to the lounge room to find something to do, but there wasn't much down there, either... i ended up reading a newspaper.
then akihiko-senpai tried talking to me. that was uncomfortable.

i-i mean, that wasn't his fault. i just didn't know what to say. akihiko-senpai is like, this cool upperclassman type of guy that everyone respects and all the girls fawn over at school. people like that didn't talk to me, and i was used to that. things were different because he kind of lives at my dorm, and he saved my life, but i still felt weird. in the end, i wound up making him breakfast because he was acting like he was in a lot of pain because of his ribs, and he really liked it! i was happy about that. i was terrified i'd screw it up or something.

i burned myself while i was cooking, though. i felt stupid for doing it, so now i've been wearing this oven mitt to cover it up all day. i know i should probably get it fixed, but... i don't know how? i can't wrap it in toilet paper. i don't have anything else to fix it with. ;n; well, no one's asked, so i'll just be weird and wear this oven mitt until i think of something.

akihiko-senpai said we're getting a new member today, though. i'm not sure whether to be happy about it or not. the dorm is filling up fast... but i still feel so lonely.

04.10.09

and here i thought school was going to be my biggest concern.

i managed through my third day without much to note. went to class. no crisis at lunch. finished my day. when i got back to the dorm, i played my GSP some, but since i didn't have any homework, i went to bed pretty early. slept for a while. a few hours. nothing strange.

then i wake up, and all hell has broken loose in the dorm. it's being attacked by a pack of shadows.

i ran out and mitsuru was going downstairs with yukari and the chairman. she told me to go suit up and get my evoker, so i did. i kept panicking. like, what do i do if the thing comes at me? do i just shoot myself in the head? it's not a real gun, right? there's no actual gun mechanisms? i don't have to turn the safety on or something? when i got everything together, i ran out downstairs and i see akihiko-senpai with this huge bloody splotch covering half of his ribcage.

i don't know what i was thinking there. i saw him hurt, and i saw everyone else panicking, and i thought... what if it comes in the dorm when we're not ready? what if it kills all of us when we're trapped here? i didn't want that to happen. if there was anything i could do to save their lives... i wanted to do it.

this thing, whatever it was, was outside attacking the dorm. so the only thing i could think to do was make myself bait. if the thing came after me, everyone else would have time to prepare or at least ambush it while it's focused on me. so i ran outside. was it dumb? a little bit.

i didn't get killed (so what if my sitting here writing this post already told you that? >_<) but one of the monsters kind of like the one i saw when i was first recruited started chasing me. i didn't have any clue what to do... i put the evoker up to my head, but i couldn't bring myself to shoot it. so i kept running. i tried doing really anything i could to make sure it didn't catch me, but i tripped on a trash can somewhere along the way.
what a shocker.

i couldn't run much longer because i was completely out of breath, but i still couldn't shoot the damn gun, so i... i didn't know what to do. it kept coming at me. but akihiko-senpai, even though he was wounded, must have chased us, because he showed up right then and saved me.
...wow, i didn't realize how corny that sounded until just now.
it sounds like something out of a movie. '-';

but he saved me. mitsuru came up just after that and started to yell at us both... i understand why she yelled at me, but why akihiko? he saved my life. he didn't do anything wrong.
okay, well, i think he brought the shadows to the dorm in the first place, but...

i didn't know what to think after that. we all got back to the dorm, but only a few of the shadows had followed me. this huge shadow had gone after yukari, who was trying to keep minato and shokora safe. i'm not kidding when i say it was huge; all the ones i had seen before were tiny compared to this thing, arms and blades everywhere...
mitsuru told me to come with her to help them, because yukari had been incapacitated and the rest of them were defenseless.

by the time we got there, though, it was dead. when yukari lost her evoker, minato got it instead and evoked... his persona had been powerful enough to kill that giant shadow, but he passed out afterwards. mitsuru didn't seem very worried about it, so we all assumed that it was maybe a brief repercussion to summoning for the first time. she healed everyone with her persona's magic, and everyone reassembled in the dorm... akihiko was taken to the hospital, and so was minato, for good measure.

the rest of us went to bed, because we were exhausted. when i woke up i went to school as normal -- i didn't see anyone in the dorm on my way out, which i thought was weird, but i figured maybe they went ahead of me. when i got back, i realized that while akihiko-senpai was all right aside from a badly broken ribcage, minato still hadn't regained consciousness since he passed out.
that meant he was in a coma, and the doctors didn't have a clue why.

we're all in disarray. i never got to know minato, but thinking that he might not ever wake up from summoning his persona is horrible. and how do we know that won't happen to us when we summon? that doesn't usually happen, right? what makes him different?
shokora is so upset about it that i don't think she sleeps much anymore. she's always at the hospital. yukari is hurt, too... neither of the transfer students have been here for that long -- two or three days -- but i know she's become quick friends with them both. and it was her job to keep them safe that night. now that he's in a coma and no one has a clue when, or if, he'll wake up, i can only imagine how guilty she must feel...

i'm starting to second-guess all of this...

04.07.09

today was my first day of high school.

since i had a hard time getting to sleep last night, i prepped everything the day before. i set out my new school uniform and packed my lunch, and made sure everything was in my backpack. so when i woke up, i didn't have much to do except for get dressed and groom a little, and i followed yukari to the monorail that we're supposed to take to school.

she was with the two transfer students. i heard last minute from mitsuru that they were going to move in, but i didn't know they would be coming so soon. they were friendly. there was a boy and a girl, and they acted like old friends. they took really well to yukari-chan. the boy is minato, and the girl is shokora. shokora seems friendly and outgoing... minato acts just the opposite. but i don't think he's mean.

when we got to the school, i didn't want to bother them, so i branched off on my own and tried to figure out the building for myself. i managed to find my classroom and i didn't have any problems from there. i didn't make any new friends in class, but that's not anything new. otherwise, i managed to do my work and got through the day. until lunch.

lunch was terrible. i remembered my locker number and my combination from earlier -- our teacher took us there so we could put our extra things in them close to the beginning of class -- but when i tried to open it, it refused to work. i tried about three or four times before i gave up and started crying in the middle of the school. i was terrified and frustrated... i couldn't get to my lunch without opening my locker, and it refused to open.

someone did stop and help me, though. i didn't know her at first. she was a senior, a girl named sadako. i told her my locker combination and she opened it on her first try. which figures... i must have been shaking too hard to open it or something.

i was really grateful that she stopped to help me. we ate lunch together that day, but it was quiet. i knew she was just helping me to be nice and i didn't have anyone else to eat lunch with, so she humored me, but that didn't mean we were going to be friends. either way, i'm happy she did. i don't know what i would have done if no one came to help me. probably would have gone back to class without eating.

school was normal after that. i got back on the monorail when class was over and got back to the dorm, and now i'm in my room. i survived! i had to get some help on the way, and i cried and broke down about something pretty stupid in hindsight, but i did it! i'm proud of myself.
not really, but oh well.

i'm just glad it's over. the first day is always the hardest. the dorm feels a little more friendly with the two new transfer students, too, even though i haven't made friends with them. yukari is always chatting and hanging out with them, and i guess it's just nice to hear someone talking.

i have school tomorrow, too. bleh. '-' it'll be easier. i can do it!

04.06.09

i'm so antsy. tomorrow is going to be terrifying. ;n;
i thought i'd do this quiz to help keep my mind off of things.

01. My name is -- maemi
02. I may seem -- quiet
03. But I'm really -- shy
04. People who know me think -- well, that depends
05. If you knew me you'd -- like me, i hope
06. Sometimes I feel -- melancholy
07. In the morning I -- chill in bed (i can't after school starts! >_<)
08. I like to sleep -- in shorts and a loose shirt
09. If I could be doing anything right now I would be -- visiting rumiko-chan
10. Money is -- something i need more of...
11. One thing I wish I had is -- more friends
12. One thing I have that I wish I didn't is -- a lot of terrible memories
13. All you need is -- love
14. All I need is -- i wish i knew
15. If I had one wish it would be -- to change what happened with my mother
16. Love is -- a beautiful thing... most of the time
17. My body is -- i... i don't know? it's okay?
18. If an angel flew into my window at night I would -- try to talk to it
19. If a demon crashed into my window I would -- probably cry and panic
20. If I could see one person right now it would be -- rumiko
21. Something I want but I don't really need is -- my paints... so badly
22. Something I need but I don't really want is -- um... i'm not sure
23. When I jack off I think of -- w-what? o///o
24. I dare you all to -- lick your elbow!
25. I am afraid of -- fighting... being hit...
26. It makes me angry when -- people fight. people victimize each other. people are selfish and don't care about anyone but themselves.
27. Drugs are -- addictive and bad for you...
28. I daydream about -- running away and becoming someone else
29. I cry because -- i wish things were different
30. This quiz is -- helping me pass time ^_^

i should probably get some sleep soon, but i'm so nervous...

04.02.09

i forgot about this blog for a while. i just moved in and i'm trying to find something to help me calm down, so i remembered this and thought i should write an update.

everything that night... happened. i wasn't imagining anything. when i got out of school that day, that boy i met the night before came and took me back to the high school dorm where he stayed with that girl, and i met the chairman of their school. they explained everything that was going on to me. they said they found another recruit -- who was going to be a junior next year, named yukari -- who was going to be joining them soon, and that they wanted me to join their force too. i had a special power, called a 'persona', that made me one of the very few people who could fight these demons called 'shadows'.

it all sounded like nonsense! but it wasn't. i knew i had experienced this hour before, and these people could, too. i felt like i was crazy, but then these people came to indulge my insanity. haha... i'm still not sure what to feel about the whole thing.

i agreed to join them. these shadows feed on the minds of people, and only people with personas can protect them. if my life can be good for something, i want to make use of it. and if this is the way i have to do it, i'm ready to accept that. they said that since i was going to high school next year that arranging things would be easy; i would be attending gekkoukan high school and they would move me into their high school dorm. nii-chan was really confused about why i was suddenly going to be enrolled in a public school, but mitsuru -- the girl i met that night, who is apparently the daughter of the kirijo group's CEO! -- told me that she would make sure all confusions were handled. in the end, he didn't ask me why i chose to go here.

after all of that mess, i had to pack everything from my middle school dorm and move it into this dorm. they gave me an armband with the group name printed on it, SEES, and my own specialized evoker that i'm supposed to use in combat. they said that it'll probably be a while before i have to use it. so now i'm sitting in my new room in this high school dorm, with my first day of high school in just a few days, and i'm scared out of my mind... not just about school, but about everything...

i don't know anyone here very well. that yukari girl moved in a few days before i did. she acts friendly, but we don't talk. she's probably as nervous and misplaced as i am. we don't talk to the seniors, either, because they always seem busy. and they really aren't friendly. they're both friends, i think, but they act so cold to everyone else... i've always felt isolated and alone in dorms, but i think i feel even moreso in this one...

i never know what to expect these days. i'm going to miss rumiko-chan. if only she was a little older, we would have been able to go to the same school for a year... this year will be her first of middle school. i hope everything works out all right for her. but she's always been more successful with people than i have, even if she gets called weird and eccentric all the time. she is who she is! ^_^ people like her for that.

i would go and talk to the others in the dorm, but i'm scared to. i've never made friends with people in my dorms. this one is different... we're all in some kind of resistance group together... but i still feel too uncomfortable to do it. all i can do is wait for school to come. i wish i had more to do.

i wish i had my paints...

03.02.09

last night was so... bizarre.
part of me wonders if it really happened.

i've been able to see this hidden time for a while. this... forbidden hour. i always thought i was the only one who could see it, because no matter where i looked, there was no life. it was like a shifted world, a sick mimicry of the beautiful world at night, painted with blood and steeped in death. it sounds insane, but it is my reality. i have come to terms with it. but i never expected to find other people who knew of it, too.

these people were older than me, but not by much. they were high school students. ...juniors, i think. one was female, the other was a boy. and they fought these shadowy demons in this hour, by using these gun-like devices called 'evokers'. hah, it sounds so weird when i write it down. how could i think any of this actually happened? but it felt so real. they said they would visit me after school and discuss things with me. next year, they'll move me into their dorm. they're asking me to join their group. SEES is their name, i think...

am i going insane? did i, perhaps, imagine all of this?
i never got any paints. images of this bloody world dance through my head, and the terrors of being chased crawl through my veins. but i can express none of it. i feel like it will all spill out of me if i don't find a way to let it out...

i guess all i can do is wait. after school, i will see if it was all a dream or not.

03.01.09

it's been months since nii-chan sent me any money.

i'm not mad about it. i heard he got a girlfriend recently and wants to buy a stable place to move in with her. all his money must be going to that right now. i'm just upset that i can't buy any of my paints unless i have that money... and i've already been out of them for a while, too.

i'm glad that the school year is almost over. almost in high school. ...the thought scares me a little. i think i'll be moved into a high school dorm, too, so i'll have to say goodbye to my dormmates here. not that it really matters. none of us talk much. i only know their names... a few of them, like himeko-chan, have boyfriends that they bring by sometimes. other than that, it's just a bunch of girls. none of them talk to me, so i keep to myself...

oh, but, i'm not lonely. i have my brothers. i have rumiko-chan...

anyway, i thought i'd make this blog as a place to discharge my thoughts and feelings. i would write them on paper, but then it would take me forever! i have to make anything i write on paper fancy. i'd rather just type when i want to write down what's in my heart.

you know what? i'm going to try to get some paints tonight.
wish me luck!